Mixed Feelings

You know, I have been in Russia since September, and just when I start thinking that I hate this country with passion, something comes along and changes my opinion. Well, why all of a sudden it changes, simply because I have so many friends here who are dear to my heart and I was not able to stay in touch with them as easily when I was in the states. I do cherish my time, I just wish I could spend more of it with my friends and less of it at work.

Yeah, I can't go to a family vacation with my parents and sister because my passport is not ready and there is nobody that I can complain to to speed up the process, which sucks. At these moments I hate Russia, but then I talk to my old friend from my home town and talk to her about her life, her child, her marriage, hear stories about our mutual friends, and I am just so happy that I have restored that connection with her. If I did not come back to Russia, I doubt I would be able to talk to her, we were starting to lose touch when I was in the states. I realize that most of my youthful fun memories are in Russia, because in the states I went after the American dream and worked very hard to get it. Yes, I have succeeded to accomplish many things, with the help of many families that I came to know along the way and could never have made it without them in the states, but still I miss my youthful days in Russia when I just had fun with my friends. Oh, there was drama, there were true friendships and I thought that I had real enemies (some girls, you know), but it was then. Now, I realize that it was all silly, but the days of crazy fun are in my mind and I miss them. I like talking to my friends from the past and it makes me sad that I did not spend more time with them, that I had to work hard and skipped so much more fun, but then I am in a much better place in life than they are and I am grateful for that too.

Anyway, I guess I am happy that I am in Russia, and maybe it's a good thing that I won't get to go to Spain with my parents, because if I don't, then I am going to go down to my hometown and visit my friends, and talk with them, and drink and party and have fun again. Well, there will be no boys involved this time (with me being married and all :) but still it will be a blessing to meet with my long lost friends and catch up with them. I can't wait to make a trip to my hometown for a week or so. I hope it will be everything I am hoping for.