...that is my way of living lately. It feels like most things that used to make me happy were put on hold. I used to be happy to spend time with my friends. I used to be happy to be living with my husband. I used to be happy to have a house and be able to make decisions with Matt together on everything.
Once I moved to Russia things have changed, but only now does it start to hit me. I no longer have a place of my own, where I can spend time alone. And lately I feel like I need to spend some time alone. I no longer can escape people's judgements, because all of a sudden I started paying attention to them and it drives me nuts. I can no longer go out with my friends and visit them, because most of my friends are in the states, and those that are left from childhood are in my hometown, which is hours and hours away from Moscow. I no longer feel like I am making any decisions with Matt, rather I let him make them all and just agree on his final decision. No, I don't need to be in total control, but some control would be nice. I just feel like everything I used to like about my life is now on hold. Of course, I spend time with my sister and that is great, and I can see my parents more often, but for some reason it does not compensate for all the things I miss so dearly.
So, it just feels like my life has been put on hold, and I am afraid it will stay in this condition for quite a while.
1 comment:
Sorry to hear you are unhappy. :( Someday this will all be a distant memory. Wish I could be of more help. Love ya.
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