Death.....

.......scares me. Nobody is dying, i don't know anybody who has died recently who was close or related to me. But for some reason in the past month or so I have been thinking about death quite a bit. I don't mean like suicide or anything, just death as a fact, as part of life. Maybe it's the movies that I watch, I have recently watched "PS I love you" and it's not that great of a movie, but the idea of losing a husband sure gets to me. And now I am reading a book where one person's friend dies in a train accident. Again, it's an easy-going book, but it had a poem in it, "Remember" by Christina Rossetti and I just broke down in tears. The poem is beautiful, but so sad.

I often think what my life will be like after I lose somebody I love, what would I do, how would I proceed. Would I be crying all the time and hating the world or will I just get busy and smile at all my happy memories with that person. Anyway, even though I realize that death is a natural thing and unavoidable, I am scared of it as never before. But not really for me, I am scared that I will lose somebody whom I love. I wonder if everybody thinks about that, or am I just plain weird for having such thoughts. I must admit that it causes me to pray much more than I would have otherwise for all those people in my life that make it so much better.

Anyway, gotta share the poem that I found painfully beautiful, i can't imagine forgetting and smiling, but I guess if I have passed away I would want my friends and family to forget and smile rather than remember and be sad....

Remember

Remember Me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Christina Rossetti (1830-1894)