I sad :(

I don't know why, just for some reason all of a sudden I feel sadness. Maybe because it's not that late and I realize that I have to go to bed already or tomorrow I will be sleepy and tired. Maybe because Matt is far away, we did not talk this morning; actually we talked for about a minute, which is almost worse than not talking at all, just makes me miss him when I just hear his voice yet don't have a chance to know what is going on in his life that day :( Maybe it's because I know that my sister is leaving for a week. It's great for her, really. She gets to go to New York with a guy who is the best thing that ever happened to her so far (as far as boyfriends go). I will be here alone while she is in New York. I think I will miss her. I want to listen to some sad music, but I am not sure what my sister has on her iTunes, nor am I in any mood to look and try to figure it out. Maybe it's becasue I have noticed some of Kara's friends change after spending some time in Moscow and that makes me wonder if I will be different, more pessimistic, more harsh, less human after being here for a year and a half. This city is not that horrible, yet some people have changed for the worse after moving here (no, I am not talking about my sister here, just want to make that clear, rather about a friend of hers whom I was a very high opinion of before). Maybe it's because we are having some difficulties with paper work for UK visas for New Years, and that is the only time I will have a chance to see Matt between November and February. I have many reasons to be sad, but usually I don't let them get to me.

When I was younger, my moods changed pretty quickly for no reason really. But I haven't had it in the last couple of years. Now, I am back to being my old self :( I don't like mood swings. I liked being happy when I was with Matt in the US. Now that I think about it, it was Matt who changed my moods for the better. He always cheered me up, and gave me a reason to be happy. I just wish I had his support, kind words when I feel sad in Russia. I think today is the first time since I have come back that I really miss Matt and it affects my mood. Today was a good day really, but it ends on the sad note for me.